Lemme tell ya

Lemme tell YOU
If its not raining outside
And you're inside complaining about
Weather
You might be from a planet made of kazoos.
How fucking annoying.
That's how it is
When I sit in a coffee shop
And someone
Has turned
My favorite
Jazz song
Into
A christmas song.
That's how you feel
When you're a kid
And your temporary tattoo wears off.
That's how you feel
As a grown up
When someone calls your tasks "little"
Or "cute"
That's how a skunk feels
When he tap dances.
That's how I looked
At my first prom
I heard I looked beautiful
But by the time my father ever told me
I forgot whose name I was listening for.
That's how you feel
When you cut onions
You fucking cry
Because this week
Has made me weak
Because this month
Is a moth
Humping
The luminous glow
Of  candle lit shit.
Because lemme tell ya
That's just how nature works

                            I woke up once,
                                           & realized
                I                  hate                dreaming
            because    I                       love

                it    so                     much.

             If you don't know what I mean...

                                 i think
that means...
                          you're awake.

every once in a while
I say every swear word I know
all at once.

college, jobs, cars & parties

People seem amazed once they get to know about my life
how uninteresting it is.
I like how uninteresting it seems.

Seems are however, seamy.

life has a way of being life
without college, jobs, cars & parties.
without a yellow brick road.
without imaginary friends
who love me
and value my opinion like it is sacred
and look like tin men.

I have never met a cowardly Lion.

there has been very little in this life, that has been
primly paved, & made for me.
With scare crows that wave at me and say

"Well! HI THERE!"

smiley faces :)
do not exist in the final draft of my life. :(
and there is no due date, (?-?-?)
just an expected date to return. (?-?-?)
whatever that means. (?-?-?!!!!!)

Nope.

 This "life" guy... he sneaks up, finds you and says

"SUCKA!"

and sock'em-bops you.

Just like those infomercials
you secretly wished
you were cast in.
Just so you could have those damn sock-em-boppers
red and blue
big, inflatable, face-doom.

fuck our own hands, THOSE ARE WHAT'S UP.

ALAS,
plastic hands are plastic hands.
and if you slice them, they'd deflate.
that's the difference.
our hands,
they bleed.


This soul searching.
It's a gift I've been given.

thank you world.

I say it again.

thank you.

I've been silently stewing
on memories I've left brewing
for years and years.
And if I expect to know anything
about anyone
I'd sure like it to be me.
For I am responsible
for love.
And that is precious.

The somewhere else

I am sitting down.
My feet smell.
I hate my dog (currently)
we are broken up.
Because he continues to abuse my leg, sexually.
I pretend I am somewhere else.
There are clouds where I imagine.
It' is a NO hump zone,
The dog forgets my leg
he finds a slutty pillow.
I close my eyes and remember that place I was building
Clouds, Trees,
you know, the place..the eh..
The... somewhere else.
That place.
That's the place I'm building!
The somewhere else.
Sunny,
Singing!
somewhere else-
Violin Spiders,
orchestrate an even bigger picture,
and bring me to the dark room in the back of my mind.
They play their abdomens slowly.
Like Jaws is approaching my subconscious...



 I am.



All my shark eyes see are negatives of love.
truly the most truth I've spoken in years.
The negatives of love.
Because they ARE there.
They are upside down.
They are a demonic, delightful interpretation
of the most posed moments in my life.
"SMILE."

These moments-

I guess they come with a price,
I hear it's a heart,
but-
some people say it's just time.

And some people are liars.

some people.

tell the truth.

it's all out there.


Either way,
if you don't mind being robbed & impolitely tickled

you can fall in love.

I like hands.
I can fall in love with those things.
I like to look at those things,
because usually, they tell a story so compelling,
it can only be told by the history of the sun.

the sun,
that's who knows your skin the most, right?
Even when I was away from my mother,
there was the sun.

I hated playgrounds
I hated urine soaked bark
I hated blisters from monkey bars
I hated underwear
and I loved wearing dresses
^^^I asked someone to add all that up once
and do the math
they just reported me as spam.
So I put myself in a can
and stayed in there until the day I moved.

I like the cat, he's alright.
He's an asshole,
but so am I.
Sometimes I know we agree on things.
I know he knows I'm never right.
I know that too.
I admire the cat for being honest,
even if he can't speak.

I'll have one bottle of wine please.
hold the cheese.
that's a rotten joke.
I hate the word rotten.
I wish I could have told a better joke than my life.
I wish I would have kept flash card popsicle sticks in my pocket
for such an emergency.
I keep building the somewhere else.
the somewhere else.

Everyone says
 "it shouldn't have been him."
 or
 "It shouldn't have been her."
 And today, I am everyone. (no1)
 It shouldn't have been you.
 And I don't know who it should have been...
It just SHOULDN'T have been you.
Maybe it shouldn't be ANYONE.
Maybe Death
should use the same GPS I used
when I got lost in Sacramento for 3978577986568 years.
Thats how old you should have lived to be.
3978577986568 YEARS OLD.
Shoulds. Shoulds. Shoulds.
And I am frozen, utterly numb.
Feeling ridiculous.
Feeling over dressed when I stand naked.
Feeling over dressed when I stand clothed.
I should wear nothing.
I should wear something.
I should
I should
EXCEPT
I am over dressed.
for such a sad, miserable occasion.
I am over dressed-
And every day
I spend knowing you're never coming back
I imagine myself happily forgetting my days
Until I can see you again.
When I get out of bed I have MOVED TOO MUCH.
And when I fall asleep I have spent too much time forgetting.
Not hitting the stupid refresh button in my mind.
I remember your smile so clearly I can see it in every bright light.
The sun.
The moon.
I spend some nights forgetting my days
I spend some days forgetting my nights
and some days and some nights I forget everything
And here I am.
Canvas,

that's what you said we were.

canvas...

 But in this dream I had,
I ripped apart my Mona Lisa.
I ripped it apart so bad it felt like FINALLY I could get even... with me.
I felt TOO much.
I missed you so bad my teeth fell out of my gums.
I missed you so bad my hands became guns.
I missed you so bad that my eyes fell asleep wide awake.
It shouldn't have been.
It shouldn't have been.
logically,
emotionally,
should haves
and should hads
nothings
and everythings
and who gives a fuck.
 You should be here.
And I miss you.
And I miss you with the whole world.
I know you can hear me,
or at least you can feel me.
so feel this, I love you.

Eggactly.

I am Currently The egg Scrambling, With all my last transparent & runny thoughts. I remember my omelet aspirations. And scramble. Faster. Faster.