In the ocean

I followed the map
that you left on my nightstand,
you said you wanted to see me again,
all dressed up like a woman.
(not a girl)
I decided I'd wear a hat and carry only credit.
But there is this salt in the air,
And you don't understand what it does to me,
I smell the ocean,
and fear leaving,
I fear returning home,
the lonely ride home,
with thoughts of you,
and your busy life,
I'm sure all the people you see now,
sitting all around you,
they all love you like I do.
It's that unconditional kind,
I'm sure they know the freckles which lye in your eyes,
and I'm sure they've loved,
every thought they've had of you,
even the drifting day dreams
when you're not quite you,
and I'm shining gold.
and though the sand on my skin is removing old parts of me,
I wish they would stay.
Because I can't bare losing you again.
and again.
and again.
and this dust,
these pieces of me?
This is all I have left.
In the ocean.

there are pieces of me, waiting.