I woke up once,
                                           & realized
                I                  hate                dreaming
            because    I                       love

                it    so                     much.

             If you don't know what I mean...

                                 i think
that means...
                          you're awake.

every once in a while
I say every swear word I know
all at once.

college, jobs, cars & parties

People seem amazed once they get to know about my life
how uninteresting it is.
I like how uninteresting it seems.

Seems are however, seamy.

life has a way of being life
without college, jobs, cars & parties.
without a yellow brick road.
without imaginary friends
who love me
and value my opinion like it is sacred
and look like tin men.

I have never met a cowardly Lion.

there has been very little in this life, that has been
primly paved, & made for me.
With scare crows that wave at me and say

"Well! HI THERE!"

smiley faces :)
do not exist in the final draft of my life. :(
and there is no due date, (?-?-?)
just an expected date to return. (?-?-?)
whatever that means. (?-?-?!!!!!)

Nope.

 This "life" guy... he sneaks up, finds you and says

"SUCKA!"

and sock'em-bops you.

Just like those infomercials
you secretly wished
you were cast in.
Just so you could have those damn sock-em-boppers
red and blue
big, inflatable, face-doom.

fuck our own hands, THOSE ARE WHAT'S UP.

ALAS,
plastic hands are plastic hands.
and if you slice them, they'd deflate.
that's the difference.
our hands,
they bleed.


This soul searching.
It's a gift I've been given.

thank you world.

I say it again.

thank you.

I've been silently stewing
on memories I've left brewing
for years and years.
And if I expect to know anything
about anyone
I'd sure like it to be me.
For I am responsible
for love.
And that is precious.

The somewhere else

I am sitting down.
My feet smell.
I hate my dog (currently)
we are broken up.
Because he continues to abuse my leg, sexually.
I pretend I am somewhere else.
There are clouds where I imagine.
It' is a NO hump zone,
The dog forgets my leg
he finds a slutty pillow.
I close my eyes and remember that place I was building
Clouds, Trees,
you know, the place..the eh..
The... somewhere else.
That place.
That's the place I'm building!
The somewhere else.
Sunny,
Singing!
somewhere else-
Violin Spiders,
orchestrate an even bigger picture,
and bring me to the dark room in the back of my mind.
They play their abdomens slowly.
Like Jaws is approaching my subconscious...



 I am.



All my shark eyes see are negatives of love.
truly the most truth I've spoken in years.
The negatives of love.
Because they ARE there.
They are upside down.
They are a demonic, delightful interpretation
of the most posed moments in my life.
"SMILE."

These moments-

I guess they come with a price,
I hear it's a heart,
but-
some people say it's just time.

And some people are liars.

some people.

tell the truth.

it's all out there.


Either way,
if you don't mind being robbed & impolitely tickled

you can fall in love.

I like hands.
I can fall in love with those things.
I like to look at those things,
because usually, they tell a story so compelling,
it can only be told by the history of the sun.

the sun,
that's who knows your skin the most, right?
Even when I was away from my mother,
there was the sun.

I hated playgrounds
I hated urine soaked bark
I hated blisters from monkey bars
I hated underwear
and I loved wearing dresses
^^^I asked someone to add all that up once
and do the math
they just reported me as spam.
So I put myself in a can
and stayed in there until the day I moved.

I like the cat, he's alright.
He's an asshole,
but so am I.
Sometimes I know we agree on things.
I know he knows I'm never right.
I know that too.
I admire the cat for being honest,
even if he can't speak.

I'll have one bottle of wine please.
hold the cheese.
that's a rotten joke.
I hate the word rotten.
I wish I could have told a better joke than my life.
I wish I would have kept flash card popsicle sticks in my pocket
for such an emergency.
I keep building the somewhere else.
the somewhere else.