Now this,

I pray when my fingers ache.

My hands crumble into position,

my weak existence ruptures,

and I discover what it truly means to be alone.

Do not pity me,

I have been illuminated

set free in a world gone mad with numb.

I have felt too much pain,

to not recognize when I don't feel at all.

I spend days high,

laughing because the creases in my mouth

remember that first,

remember that before the curves of a fermented frown

captures the nerves in my body

and appears.

Oh it's there, the pain is there...

Let me be the first to tell you.

Take a seat,

and we can talk about ruins and ruins,

and bridges I've blown up, just to swim.

I amaze myself.

I torture myself.