PROMISE

I wonder if I knew
knew what was to become of my heart
after the layers had been shed,
after the disaster hit,
after my brain melted into a scary stew.
I never want to feel another person waiting on me to sleep,
waiting for me to feel peaceful.
so they can close their own eyes,
and share dreaming space with me.

I never want a man that close to my dreams ever again.

I remember the sunshine,
seen straight through the veins of a maple leaf,
the sugary taste of fall,
the nutmeg high I sailed upon.
It comes and goes every now and then,
and in those moments,
I convince myself
love is all I need.

But then,
truth-
riding upon a deadly tsunami,
like the clap of mortality
ringing throughout my souls kingdom,
sweeping my feet from under my knees,
and landing me straight on my head
truth-
decides to appear,
reminding me;
in the blissful fall,
when I used to love,
where I used to trust,

I made my biggest mistake,

Unguarded, and in love,
I twisted my fingers in his earthy hair.
Promised him my heart,
and floating like a skin cell I could so easily shake,
my words stick to the grass,
my heart buried 10,000 feet below,
kept in a box,
marked "PROMISE".
A promise I made with my eyes closed tightly,
And even still,
no matter how dark my vision became within each blink,
I could see the clouds move,
just by feeling the shifts in the wind.
I didn't need to see,
to know I was telling the truth,
but the devil knows,
he was crossing his fingers the second he promised back.
So, no,
seasonal love,
no,
beautiful man
I don't trust your love,
or his love,
or any love.
I trust the company I keep between my hands and this paper,
my lungs and this air,
and that is all that remains certain.
there is no one,
no matter how bold,
no matter how beloved,
no matter how beautiful.
All I can do is feed off of the hearts that promised themselves to me,
700 hearts buried 10,000 feet below me
marked "PROMISE"
I crossed my fingers
as they closed their eyes so tight,

and all I wanted was to feel again,

700 hearts promised to me,
until I can bargain, haggle and bribe...
Until I find the price of my own.