The dangerous

Where would you be,
If I hadn't ruined the best of you?
That's how it is,
that's what it's become.
A blame game, and I'm stuck
in a bottomless pit of excuses.
I was so young.
I was so careless.
I was a mess.
If it's apologies you need,
I've sent them.
If it's my love you still crave,
my venom you need,
I've still got it.
You call me,
drunk.
I answer,
sober.
And here we go,
the whys, and the ways of love.
I don't know why I left,
I always pictured myself returning,as a better version of myself.
When I was done being so sad.
I was so young,
I was so careless,
I was a mess.
If only you knew
how many flowers I've received
from other men,
faking their ways into my heart.
All the petals I've plucked from seedy stems,
and squashed beneath my heel,
They aren't you.
And no matter how hard I will myself,
I can't open my eyes,
quite as wide as I did with you.
While they kiss my spine,
My skin rejects any love, that isn't yours.
Shaking, and sweating,
They mistake my act for something sexy.
But it is pitiful,
and it is tragically overdone.
I never thought I would miss the anguish of our love,
but your spaceship still flies by my window,
sprinkling fear and remorse on my bed.
I still picture you in the grass,
flipping your hat in circles,
until you shifted the tip
enough to shield your freckled eyes from the sun.
You'd call me spineless,
if you knew it wouldn't kill me.
But you hold back your venom,
Like I could not.
I'm so young,
I'm so careless,
I'm still a mess.
But this time, I don't have you to blame.
And it's easier,
if you just keep your distance,
so I can never get the best of you, ever again.
So you can sleep alone, and mean it.
So I can sleep alone.