fall&i

I believe in beautiful things,
I recognize them,
always appearing,
somewhere less than fragrant,
molding floors,
slipping into patterns of palm trees,
burying my brain in tropical woe is me mourning,
but this morning?
it was a bright morning,
a bright morning,
I spent cradling the leaf which landed on your arm,
and it remains,
gold as ever.
I want to kiss it,
I want to kiss you,
and it's quiet now,
now that all those puppets were silenced,
now that all my strings have been cut.
I'm alone,
in my head,
it's just me now.
in my bed,
holding you like a child holds a pile of leaves,
ready to pounce,
I want you to be all over me.
I want you to be the reason I crave fall,
for forever.
Yes, that's a long time,
but there are miles of you,
miles and miles of you,
I must find answers for,
answers for blushing kisses,
and fragile gazes,
I don't forget them at all.
In fact they lay on my ceiling,
I instantly projected them there,
upon noticing,
I was sitting in the middle of a moment called love.
I painted a picture,
and I can't get rid of it.
there are colors,
gleaming.
I wish you could see how dark I've been.
Because this moves me to tears.
And those tears are blue,
and I am feeling all this,
this happiness,
this fear of loss,
this heart, now beating.
I know I've tried deeply,
to forget the odd of the seasons,
for some reason,
while deeply ruined,
I reached for you,
maybe it was your eyes,
never strange,
not from mine.
maybe it was because
we wept once,
for one another,
before we even touched.
I heard silence in static,
found confusion in my routinely devoured love,
while you gave me hope,
the fog of past,
rallied its droplets, and
drenched my hands,
in gasoline,
I never wanted you to be there when the fire broke out,
when the match lit.
I fractured branches,
charcoaled trust,
splintered precious things,
I know that,
I see them at my feet,
before I sleep.
And it's morning,
So early.
And you're here,
rising above all that dust and decay,
you're a beautiful moment happening,
in a beautiful setting,
nothing but gold peaking through the shades,
lacing your outline,
growing in my mind,
framed by the slits of my eyes.
I want you to know,
I see you now.
something I won't lose,
I won't lose again.
I don't even want to blink.
but it's early,
so early,
with the scent of coffee in the air.
You're sleeping.
here.
You hate coffee.
Sleeping,
yes,
I need to be sleeping,
so I close my eyes,
but I can't keep them there,
I don't think dreaming even knows
how to construct this
safety.
No, not even dreams can construct safety
without illusions.
I'm awake.
I'm awake
and
I want to be.