Everyone says
 "it shouldn't have been him."
 or
 "It shouldn't have been her."
 And today, I am everyone. (no1)
 It shouldn't have been you.
 And I don't know who it should have been...
It just SHOULDN'T have been you.
Maybe it shouldn't be ANYONE.
Maybe Death
should use the same GPS I used
when I got lost in Sacramento for 3978577986568 years.
Thats how old you should have lived to be.
3978577986568 YEARS OLD.
Shoulds. Shoulds. Shoulds.
And I am frozen, utterly numb.
Feeling ridiculous.
Feeling over dressed when I stand naked.
Feeling over dressed when I stand clothed.
I should wear nothing.
I should wear something.
I should
I should
EXCEPT
I am over dressed.
for such a sad, miserable occasion.
I am over dressed-
And every day
I spend knowing you're never coming back
I imagine myself happily forgetting my days
Until I can see you again.
When I get out of bed I have MOVED TOO MUCH.
And when I fall asleep I have spent too much time forgetting.
Not hitting the stupid refresh button in my mind.
I remember your smile so clearly I can see it in every bright light.
The sun.
The moon.
I spend some nights forgetting my days
I spend some days forgetting my nights
and some days and some nights I forget everything
And here I am.
Canvas,

that's what you said we were.

canvas...

 But in this dream I had,
I ripped apart my Mona Lisa.
I ripped it apart so bad it felt like FINALLY I could get even... with me.
I felt TOO much.
I missed you so bad my teeth fell out of my gums.
I missed you so bad my hands became guns.
I missed you so bad that my eyes fell asleep wide awake.
It shouldn't have been.
It shouldn't have been.
logically,
emotionally,
should haves
and should hads
nothings
and everythings
and who gives a fuck.
 You should be here.
And I miss you.
And I miss you with the whole world.
I know you can hear me,
or at least you can feel me.
so feel this, I love you.