Never goodbye

I love you,

you have to know this.

I can see you in every mirror

an overglaze of myself,

reflected straight through,

and there standing completely still is you.

I think this is why I can still say I have some self worth.

Because, though,

you've never asked to be inside of me,

you certainly are.

Happy reflections of a beautiful budding romance,

like a novel set on fire,

like a novel watered with trust,

like a sheep shaved down to bare skin,

standing there, naked,

"Bah'ing" at passer byes.

Shivering in the wind,

yes, we can still feel.

You've held me, delicately,

like a dripping candle,

you rotate my waxy skin,

and breathe into me to keep me aflame.

I love you,

you have to know this,

before I run,

(never from you)

but from what I've known to be mine.

A streak of terrible luck,

morning headaches,

and worried brows.

I can see the man my mother once called father,

dying now.

I can see the woman I call mother

wilting now,

ever faster,

even faster than you've seen a fresh cut daffodil

fold and retreat to doom.

She was beautiful,

pale, and blonde.

She wore scarfs in her hair,

lace on her wrists,

and bore her feet into the ever-certain ground.

she was free,

free like the pictures I've seen this moment captured in.

free before she had my brother,

free before she cradled my large body,

free before I even-still lye in her bed and cry.

She would lay in the Mexico sun,

drinking from coconuts,

gazing into the eyes of the man on the moon,

and my god, she was beautiful.

I run now,

Because I recognize that the eyes I see in myself now,

are laced with the terror,

pain, and grief.

That she never knew until

men had run through the streets of her soul,

selling her value,

selling her skin,

for one cheap touch.

And though her nest is slowly starting to rot and decay,

She prunes herself,

plucks her own feathers,

unready to budge

out of her breast,

and fills my room

with love.

I run now,

because

I see the lust for the sunshine,

the ocean breeze against her beautiful skin.

I run now,

to let her live.

But I could have loved you,

I should,

but I run.